By Faith Collins

As a parent of a preschooler, I know how easy it can be to feel that you’re “putting your life on hold” while your children are little. Or conversely, it can feel like you’re trying to live two lives at once — one with your children, and the other while they’re cared for by someone else. Many parents struggle with how to integrate their conflicting roles and learn to love the life they live with children.

This quandary is one that parents can work to resolve. It is possible to embrace the early parenting years and also live a full, satisfying life. Use these creative approaches for enjoying the moment and learning how to find fulfillment during this extraordinary time of life:

1. Teach your children to be enjoyable human beings.We all want our children to be happy, but contrary to popular belief, letting them be in charge doesn’t lead to increased happiness — for us orfor them. The same skills that make children enjoyable to be around, such as good manners, patience, and dealing with frustration, are also the skills that promote future success in their schooling, relationships and careers. Realizing that it’s not avoiding disappointment that keeps children happy, but learning how to recover quickly and move on, enables you to minimize the power struggles.

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By Faith Collins

We know from decades of parenting research that children do best when adults act from a place of loving authority (high expectations paired with high warmth). However, as anyone who is a parent can tell you, sometimes this is more easily said than done. If staying calm is a challenge for you, rest assured that you’re not alone in this struggle. Children bring out the best and the worst in all of us, and being a parent is difficult in ways people don’t understand until they experience it. In addition, many of us were on the receiving end of anger from our own parents, and even if we vowed “never to do that,” we tend to revert to what we grew up with when under stress.

Despite the fact that anger gets triggered so often in parenting, working to control our own behavior is vital if we want the best outcomes for our children. If you’re striving for a mutually responsive relationship, but anger keeps getting in your way of responding kindly and consistently, use these four tips for maintaining self-control.

1. Don’t wait until your patience runs out. If you wait until you’re at the end of your rope before setting boundaries, the possibility for explosive interactions is significantly higher. Instead, work on setting those boundaries as soon as that first spike of annoyance hits. Setting boundaries before you’re fed up allows you to respond to a child’s likely disappointment with compassion rather than annoyance.

2. Start over. When your interactions with your child slip beyond annoyance into anger, this is the crucial moment when things are still salvageable. If you suddenly notice yourself yelling, an easy way to change directions is simply to stop mid-sentence, take a deep breath and say, “I don’t want to yell. Let’s start over again.” This can feel awkward the first few times you do it, but it can be surprisingly effective. Truly, it’s possible for the interaction to turn on a dime and go from confrontation to connection in a moment. Perhaps your child will need a hug, a snuggle or a silly song to reconnect. Then you can move forward again on the same team.  [Read more…]

You’re supposed to feel weepy, forsaken and bereft.

And maybe you do. Sometimes. Some days.

But many parents are realizing that they also feel exhilarated, freer and, yes, sexier, when their kids grow up, leave home and go out on their own.

“It might be an empty nest, but there’s no ‘syndrome,’” says Lynda Cheldelin Fell (www.LyndaFell.com), an emotional healing expert and creator of the “Grief Diaries” series of books. “At least, not in the negative sense.

 “There’s no malady about it. It’s more like a club whose members are secretly celebrating having more quality time alone, with their friends and with their spouse.”

Magazine articles and TV doctors still tend to focus on “coping” with this midlife transition, and the identity crisis they say could lead to depression, alcoholism and divorce. But research reveals an empty nest can actually reduce stress and family conflicts. A 2008 study by University of Missouri associate professor Christine M. Proulx found that parents mostly felt pride and relief that they’d done their job and prepared their kids to live independently.

Fell says she and her husband dreaded the day when their youngest child went off to college. [Read more…]

By Dr. Jennifer Weeks

I am frequently asked by parents how they should talk to their child about pornography or sexting after it has been discovered that the child has been looking at online pornography or sending sexual images to another teen.  Though I commend these parents for talking to a professional in an attempt to get the best advice, that horse is already out of the stable.  When I ask these caring parents why they have not already talked to their child about sex and digital sexuality, a number of reasons come to light.  These reasons normally have nothing to do with the child but are all related to the parent’s “stuff.”

So why don’t parents talk to their children about sex?

1.    Parents don’t know enough about sex themselves.

If you are a parent, obviously you know enough about sex to have created a child.  Even though we may be having sex, we might not know enough about it to teach healthy sexuality to a child.  Most parents know the basic biology of human sexuality.  We know the names of male and female anatomical parts.  We know the basics of conception, the fertilization of the egg by the sperm.  After these basics, there is a huge lack of knowledge.  Many parents do not have adequate knowledge of sexually transmitted infections or HIV.  Discussing disease transmission is a big part of discussing healthy sexuality with a child that moves beyond the biological mechanics of sex.  

Another aspect of teaching healthy sexuality is teaching about healthy relationships.  Teaching children about consent, healthy communication, partnership, intimacy, etc. are all part of teaching healthy sexuality. We also teach children through modeling of behavior.  If parents are not talking about healthy relationships with their children and are modeling dysfunction (i.e., emotional or physical abuse, disconnection, avoidance, etc.) they are actually teaching unhealthy sexuality to their children.   [Read more…]

It’s amazing how savvy young children are when it comes to mobile devices and entertainment technology. Their aptitude with electronics is admirable, but how much screen time is too much? Here, we address the risks associated with too much screen time and solutions for cutting back on your children’s tech use.

Excessive Use of Tablets & Smartphones

Nearly 40 percent of children ages two to four have used a tablet-type device to play games, use apps or watch videos, according to a Common Sense Media report. And more than a quarter of parents have downloaded apps for their child. The 2013 report also showed that the number of children who use technology on a daily basis has more than doubled since 2011.

The American Academy of Pediatrics reports that excessive device use has been associated with obesity, aggression and behavioral issues. For some reason, children light up when they see Mom or Dad’s smartphone, and it’s hard for parents to say no. In addition, many parents are fascinated at their children’s ability to master the device.

To put our love for tablets into perspective, Dr. Aric Sigman, a psychologist, told The Guardian that children born now will accumulate an entire year’s worth of screen time by age seven. He doesn’t exclusively mention tablets or smartphones, but their portability and ease-of-use makes them a top source of screen time.

The solution: As with anything, moderation is key. Avoid passive screen time. Use mobile devices such as the Google Nexus 6 for educational games or shared time together, and monitor the time your child spends using these devices. The National Association for the Education of Young Children suggests parents avoid using technology to keep children occupied and advises against giving children a device when they are fussy or throwing tantrums. If your child is upset, her or she needs the comfort of a parent, not a gadget or device.

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By Jay Fitter MFT

Is it normal for a child to come home from school miserable? Or to act deeply unhappy in the morning and drag their feet to the point of almost missing the bus? Or how about a kid who suddenly develops stomachaches in the middle of the school day, and this happens repeatedly?

Some parents would say yes, it’s normal, and simply attribute this behavior to kids’ desire to play, sleep in, socialize, and run free. However, it’s important for parents to respect the fact that the child is trying to communicate something important, albeit in an indirect way.

Perhaps you have a gifted child who is bored at school, or a child who had a scary incident on the bus. Rather than making an assumption or writing it off as normal kid behavior, here are some tips that will help you uncover what’s really going on.

Listen well; don’t dismiss; pay attention.

In general, if a child says I don’t like school, listen to them. They probably have a very legitimate reason for their perspective. This may not seem like a big deal from the parents’ point of view. But the child’s feelings could be the result of a threats from a bully, rejection from a boy or girl, or schoolwork that is either boring or overwhelming. There’s also the possibility that they believe their teacher doesn’t like them.

Remember your own youth.

Try to remember that some of the time, kids won’t tell their parents the real reason, so they make up other excuses. You probably did this yourself. Part of the reason behind this is that children believe parents won’t empathize with them, that they’ll just say to toughen up, or offer another simple solution. Parents need to realize that there was a time when they were kids and may have felt the same way. So, resist making judgments.

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With the average cost of these supplies reaching more than $300 for middle and high-school, it’s no surprise that parents may be stressed and may be experiencing symptoms like increased acid in their stomach causing indigestion. Rolaids offers some tips below on how parents can better manage back-to-school stress and reduce symptoms of increased acid in their stomachs.

Heartburn Symptoms

The primary symptom of heartburn is a painful, burning sensation in the chest. It occurs when stomach acid backs up into your esophagus, usually because the opening between your stomach and esophagus isn’t working properly.

Acid Indigestion Symptoms

The common symptoms of acid indigestion, or upset stomach, include a feeling of fullness during or after a meal, burning or pain in the upper abdomen, nausea or bloating.

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By Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC

School bells are ringing and kids are everywhere. As you drive slowly through school zones, you can see and feel the excitement in the air. Kids are walking to school, getting out of buses, and being dropped off on the curb. Some of them look excited and are laughing, while others look confused, withdrawn and afraid. Parents have a powerful influence over their child no matter how old their child is in regards to their school-year success. Easing back-to-school jitters is an important step that parents should prepare for and encourage their child to prepare for as well.

School jitters don’t begin the first day of school. Most likely, they were going on during the last third of the summer. Sometimes parents are so busy with work and vacations that many forget to look for the signs. Did your child act more moody, restless, fatigued or erratic? Many kids have these feelings and adjust fine after school has started, but 15% do not. These 15% may have difficulty adjusting to the school year, and may require parental interventions to help them get on track.

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