Deciding Whether to Have a Kid and How that Impacts a Relationship

Some people can’t wait to have kids. It’s not uncommon to have children who love playing baby-related games, and the parents think back to that once the child had grown to adulthood. The grandparents might reminisce about how this day seemed inevitable, even from the time the new parent was very young.

Others never express any interest in it. They might go through life perfectly happy without demonstrating any desire to become a parent, and if so, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Problems can arise, though, when two people get together, and one of them wants children, but the other doesn’t. This is certainly an issue that can break up an otherwise happy relationship. Let’s look at what you can do if you find yourself in this situation.

Try to Make This a Conscious Decision

As we start to talk about this topic, there’s one thing that we first need to point out. Children come from procreation, unless we’re talking about artificial insemination. Assuming you and your spouse or partner are having kids the old-fashioned way, you can either plan to have them, or else they can be a total surprise.

Whether you both want kids, one of you does, or neither of you do, planning for it is always better than that surprise scenario, or accident scenario, if you want to be cruder about it. If you plan on having kids and then you have them, that’s a much better situation than a broken condom that leads to a completely new relationship dynamic.

Any Phoenix child custody lawyer will tell you that if both parents wanted the child, it would be a lot better for everyone involved, even if their relationship does not last after the new arrival debuts. A wanted child is always better than an unwanted one.

Consider What Matters Most to You

Let’s say for a moment that two people are together, and they enjoy each other’s company. They either love each other, or they feel like love can grow between them in time. One of them wants kids, though, and the other does not.

They’re probably going to talk about it at some point because they’ll need to make this decision before either of them grows very old. Most people are fine starting to raise a kid at age 30, but not so much at age 60. Besides, if a woman wants to have a baby through childbirth, she only has a limited amount of time.

You can always adopt or have a child through a surrogate, but for the moment, that’s beside the point. Fundamentally, these two individuals are at an impasse. The issue is that one of them will get what they want, and the other will not.

The Child or the Relationship

In relationships, you can compromise on a lot of things. If one person wants to go to the opera and the other wants to see the new Transformer’s movie, they can do one the first weekend, and then the other the following weekend. Relationships are often about compromise.

That’s not going to work with having kids because you can’t have half a baby. You either have one, or you don’t, and there’s no middle ground.

It sounds cold, but what these two individuals are eventually going to have to face is that they can only do one of the following three things. They can stay together and not have kids, in which case, one of them will be unhappy. They can stay together and have kids, and it’s the other one who will come out on the losing end based on what they wanted.

The third option is that they can break up. It must be one of those three, and they’ll both need to think about their wants and needs very carefully as they ultimately come to this decision.

If you’re in this situation, though, keep this in mind. If one individual in the relationship doesn’t want kids, and the other person essentially forces them to by bullying them into it, that individual is probably not going to be a very good parent. That’s because they’re entering into it grudgingly at best.

Unfortunately, if one person desperately wants kids and the other totally does not, it’s often best that they break up. They might love each other, but if one person wants a child that badly, it’s probably going to poison their union if they remain together.