If you’re a high-value woman with a lot to offer, you already know dating woes aren’t always about attracting and holding the interest of the right men. Sometimes what you really need to know is how to get rid of the wrong ones, especially if they’re persistent types who are sure they’ll be able to wear you down given enough time.
After all, neither of you lives in a cheesy ‘80s rom-com where a dorky, broke guy can land the perfect ten of his dreams if he just thinks of the right dramatic gesture to make. This is real life, you’re busy, and you want to move on with your life. Here are some great tips for doing that.
Avoid running hot and cold.
When you’re trying to get an undesirable guy to finally lose interest in you and stop hanging around, you want to avoid playing games. A guy who’s already ignored a million subtle (and not so subtle) hints that their target isn’t interested will grasp onto any little thing that gives them hope of success.
That said, avoid behavior that’s hot one minute and cold the next. You don’t have to be outright cruel to the guy, but you should keep in mind that many behaviors that amount to everyday politeness can be perceived as flirtatious by a lovesick guy with his hopes up. So think carefully about your interactions and how they might come across.
Choose directness over excuses.
Again, nobody likes being needlessly rude or mean to other people, so it’s probably tempting to keep putting the undesirable guy in your life off with excuses designed to preserve his feelings. But directness is the best policy for situations like these. Remember, honesty isn’t the same thing as rudeness, even if it might be perceived that way sometimes.
You don’t have to give your undesirable guy a complete annotated list of all his flaws, but you should definitely make your point in no uncertain terms. High dating standards deserve this. Don’t claim you don’t want to go out with him because the timing’s wrong or pretend you’re just not looking for a relationship right now. Just tell him you’re not interested, full stop. Remember, no is a complete sentence.
Don’t keep contacting him.
Once you tell this person you’re not interested and actually get them to accept that you mean it, that needs to be it. You can’t keep contacting him and connecting with him, whether that’s offline or online. All that’s going to do is send mixed messages you really don’t want to send, and before you know it, you’ll be back at square one with a lovesick guy you’re not interested in clinging to you again.
If the two of you agreed to stay friends, he’s still going to need some space in order to get over his feelings for you. This is the case whether he thinks so or not, so definitely give him some time to process things. But if you’re not friends (and have no wish to be), the conversation where you told him definitively that he doesn’t have a chance with you needs to be your last one.
Maintain your boundaries if you run into each other.
If this guy runs in any of the same circles as you do, then you’re bound to see him around. And it’s bound to be a little bit awkward at first, especially if he didn’t handle your talk with much grace. But unless he’s threatening you or otherwise making you worry that violence might be a possibility, you should treat him as nicely as you would anyone else.
Just make sure you’re not being too nice to him. When you know you’ve hurt or disappointed someone, it can be tempting to be extra nice in an attempt to make up for it, but it’s essential to keep the boundaries you’ve set in place here. In other words, be polite. But also maintain some emotional distance, so it’s still clear you haven’t changed your mind.
Openly move on with your life.
Whether you’ve already met another higher-quality man, for example a generous sugar daddy, you’d like to date or simply hope to in the future, resist the urge to guard the guy you’ve let down from that reality. You’re not this man’s mother, and while it’s important to treat people fairly, you’re not responsible for his feelings, either.
You don’t have to rub his nose in the fact that you’re seeing someone else you really like, but don’t hide it from him or apologize for it, either. It’s actually good for him to see you out with other people, and it may eventually help encourage him to do the same. Remember, you deserve to be happy without guilt or reservation.