Men: Looks, Brains and Money Won’t Help You Find Love. Here’s What Will.

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By GS Youngblood

Many men believe the key to attracting women and inspiring the right woman to stay lies in having looks, degrees, and money. 

But do these things really help?

While brains, looks, and wealth are a plus when it comes to dating and long-term love, there’s something far more important: being solidly grounded in your masculine core.  Now, you might be thinking “That sounds great.  But how do I do this”? The answer is straightforward, though not always easy to achieve.  You simply need to embody the three qualities of the Masculine blueprint as laid out in my book, “The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman.”

The ability to respond rather than react, living each moment from a place of choice rather than reacting – often unconsciously – to your woman’s words and actions. This is the quality of a man who feels grounded and comfortable in his own skin.  He lives out of intention moment to moment rather than reacting to the world’s or a woman’s intensity.  Women can feel this in the first moment they meet you – in the way you talk, gesture, walk, hold eye contact, etc.  It comes through in how present you feel to her.  And your settled nervous system transmits to her nervous system, so she’ll find herself relaxing around you.

Being an organizing force in the relationship by providing structure and clarity in day to day life without being controlling. This is the quality or a man who knows what he wants, and from that knowing provides leadership in the relationship.  In contrast to control or misogyny, this man invites his woman to follow his lead (at times), and becomes an organizing force for the couple.  He doesn’t make all the decisions, but does provide his own clarity and structure.  The presence or lack of this quality comes through in how you set up your first date.  Do you take the lead and suggest an experience you think she’d like, or do you just ask her where she wants to meet?  Women don’t want to be controlled by you, but many do enjoy relaxing into your lead.

Providing a sense of physical, emotional and sometimes financial safety.  This refers to a man who can provide physical, emotional, and sometimes financial safety for his woman. If you take her hiking, but forget to bring water for the two of you, she’s not going to feel physically safe.   If she shares something vulnerable about herself, and your response is to tell a parallel story about yourself rather than tuning into her vulnerability, she’s not going to feel emotionally safe.  And if you are a dreamer who never quite seems to generate income, she’s probably not going to feel financially safe with you as a partner.  Men simply don’t realize how a sense of safety is the number one factor in a woman opening to you.  And how important your way of being is in creating that sense of safety.

When a man embodies these three qualities, the woman he hopes to attract can relax, trust and open up. She no longer feels that she needs to bear the brunt of decision-making and initiatives, and will be far more likely to adore him and find him attractive.  But if your energy is weak or anxious, the attraction will fade very quickly – no matter how handsome, smart or rich you are.

GS Youngblood, author of The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman, is a coach who helps men in relationships learn to live, love, and lead from their Masculine core.  He specializes in “nice guys” who want to find their personal power.  His teachings combine deep embodiment work with the framework of the Masculine blueprint from the book.  His work is based on 12 years as a student and creator in men’s work and authentic relating.  He also draws on principles from psychology, the martial arts, tango, meditation, and BDSM.  Learn more at gsyoungblood.com.