The Ex-Navy Wife

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Deborah Ivanoff

Copyright © 2011 Deborah Ivanoff

It was a long time in coming – twenty four years to be exact.

We were like two ships passing in the night growing independent and living our separate lives.

It’s Useless to react – who’s to blame?

No, absence does not make the heart grow fonder….as ours did wane.

You lived my dream and traveled the world.

In one port and out another – you’ve seen it all through ports of call.

I was busy on the “home front” raising our children. And as the days rolled into months, and months

into years, my heart grew deeper in resentment.

Pictures you’ve sent of places I’ve dreamed – only tormented and teased… blood just curled.

Through each departure and return I stood strong and committed as it should be….

“Till death do us part.”

The writings on the wall – it was there all along.  And as the future foretells ….

we were doomed from the start.

Life has its way of wearing you down – one infant, one toddler, not enough time you see.

I need a break – nowhere to turn – where’s the you to me?

Who are we beyond the roles we play? A wife and mother no less-

But I was supposed to be somebody!

I lost my identity and lost “ME” along the way…Lord is this a test?

From Civilian life to Military life and back again – we made it to retirement.

It will be smooth sailing from here- so we thought. We learned real quick that apart we’re good, but

together we’re not. And as time went on, our eyes, the windows of our souls, was full of resentment.

Too much time apart – we’ve grown, we’ve changed, and we’re no longer who we used to be.

Who is this man that I no longer know? – We’re complete strangers.

Lying and cheating and Internet porn – were now his new norm.  I must confess – my heart’s a mess and

It’s you, it’s true…..I detest!

Our love did not stand the “Tides of Time.”  The marriage has run its course.

I’m no longer young enough or strong enough to keep this marriage afloat…. “I’m done!”

So without remorse – we did divorce – and sailed our separate ways.

There was a time way back when that we did love and that I will always treasure.

Everything in between and towards the end I have forgiven – for that Blessed miracle, the gift of life, our

two children…. one cannot measure.

This chapter of my life is over. I exhale smile and look forward to the next chapter –the second half –

second flowering – whatever that may be.

I’m a bit older and a bit wiser with no regrets and no sorrow – I’m free to be me.

Where does one start at this time? Which direction –North, South, East or West? So many things to

figure out. Time is of essence – I must keep moving forward and not look back.

I have not too much, but yet have it all – my children and family, good health, inner circle of friends, a

roof over my head and my Faith to keep me strong….yes, indeed, I am on the right track.


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