I feel for you guys—the pressure is on! Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and as you’re no doubt aware, men (much more than women, generally) are expected to up the ante and become Valentine Heroes with gifts and romantic gestures that will send their women over the moon. Most guys don’t know where to begin. My advice? Relax. It’s not as hard or as expensive as you think to please your woman.
Romance is not about love songs, chocolates, or roses. It’s simply taking the time to say (and show), I’ve been thinking about you. You matter to me. I am happy you’re in my life.
I know, I know—guys tend to get anxious when they hear talk like this, but hear me out: Forget being a superhero. Be yourself. She married you, not the other guy. Keep that in mind, and read on for four reasons why wooing your woman really works:
It reminds women of who they are outside of motherhood. As a mother, much of a woman’s identity is defined by the daily chores of raising a family—especially if her children are very young. Priorities are geared toward meeting the needs of others, so much so that moms can lose touch with themselves…and that includes feeling feminine and sexy. Mothers get used to forgoing their own needs in the name of getting things done: five-minute showers, slapping on mascara at a stoplight during carpool, putting up with clothes that are stained with peanut butter and jelly smears. A pedicure? What’s that? Many moms can’t even remember anymore, it’s been so long. And that’s where romance comes in: It brings a woman back to herself and reminds her that she is a woman first. When you make her feel loved, it will energize both of you, and that leads to…
It brings sexy back. Once you’ve been with someone for a long time, particularly after you’ve lived together and had children together, there is very little left that the two of you don’t know about each other. Your conversation starters all have to do with pre-school enrollment, the leaky bathroom faucet, or getting your taxes done. Any mystique that once existed is gone. (After all, what excitement and mystery is left after your partner has seen you give birth, and intimacy includes washing dirty underwear?) Do you want to bring excitement and mystery back? Then get playful. Be surprising. Call your wife in the middle of the day from work or text her a sexy love note. And if you’re too uncomfortable with a sexy note but still want to rev up her inner sex kitten, try something simple like, “I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
It gives the gift of guilt-free indulgence. Women have a tendency to give up the more frivolous or luxurious things they once enjoyed because they are busy putting the needs of their family, job, and household first. And really, who has time to light a fire when you’re spending all of your time putting them out? However, being romanced will give your woman the opportunity to enjoy things like pedicures, nice dinners out, massages, and more without feeling guilty. There’s nothing more romantic than a gift that shows this kind of thoughtfulness. It’s a way of saying, “I know you take care of all of us, so let me take care of YOU.”
It’s fun! Parents need playtime too. With all the responsibilities that have to be taken care of on a day-to-day basis, there’s usually little to no time left to schedule in some good old-fashioned fun that isn’t centered around your kids. Whether it’s a night out on the town or fifteen minutes in a bubble bath, romance allows both partners the chance to relax and escape for a time—and enjoy themselves. It brings back that giddy, excited feeling (for those of us who have forgotten what having fun feels like) that boosts your mood and makes you feel like a kid again.
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About Princess Ivana:
Ivana is the author of the upcoming book A Simple Guide to Pregnancy & Baby’s First Year, which was cowritten with her mother, Magdalene Smith, and her sister, Marisa Smith. Their blog, Princess Ivana—The Modern Princess, is a blend of humor, practical advice, and lifestyle tips on the essentials. Ivana is also a featured blogger on Modern Mom.
While she’s a modern-day princess, she comes from modest means and met her Italian Prince Charming (if you’re curious, he’s Adriano Pignatelli Aragona Cortes, Prince of the Holy Roman Empire) while on scholarship at Pepperdine. She didn’t wait for his kiss to save her, though—using her master’s degree in education, she forged a career of her own as a digital strategy consultant.
Ivana and her husband have two fabulous kids (ages three years and twenty months) who are the latest additions to a 1,000-year lineage that includes kings of Sicily and Spain, Catherine of Aragon, a pope, and a saint. Ivana is wild about kids and motherhood. For the past twenty years, she has worked with children, from designing learning toys to tutoring homeless kids.
Ivana’s Super Mom juggling act between life, love, kids, and career inspired her new book. She believes that life is more about attitude than money, and her goal is to help mothers live well on any budget. Consider her “Dear Abby” with a tiara and a baby sling!
For more information, please visit www.modernmom.com.