By Dr. Jonice Webb

Or… make that Happy Holidays to 60% of us; but to the other 40%, maybe not so much.

As a psychologist, I sometimes almost cringe when I experience the mass media’s description of the holidays as happy and jolly. That’s because in my field, I get a true glimpse of what is really happening behind the scenes during the winter holiday season. And what I see is a significant amount of anxiety, stress and discomfort around holiday family gatherings.

The more I talked about this subject with my clients, and many others, over the years, the more curious I became. What exactly causes all of this trepidation about holidays and family? And does it affect as many people as it seems?

So this September, I commissioned an official national poll. I asked over 1,000 randomly selected people specific questions about their exact holiday family experiences, and this is what I found. [Read more…]

Are you struggling because you try to please others too much? Authors Jack Skeen, Greg Miller, and Aaron Hill say you owe it to yourself to stop. Here they share  six steps to reduce the problems associated with pleasing behaviors.

Are you a pleaser? Do you love the jolt that comes from winning others’ approval? Do you feel your tendency to please others will help you get ahead? If you answered yes to these questions, it’s time to take a long, hard look at why you’re doing what you’re doing. Jack Skeen, Greg Miller, and Aaron Hill say that if you’re a pleaser, you, by definition, can’t possibly thrive.

“Pleasers are people who adapt to the real or perceived needs of others in unhealthy ways,” says Skeen, who along with Greg Miller and Aaron Hill wrote The Circle Blueprint: Decoding the Conscious and Unconscious Factors that Determine Your Success (Wiley, October 2017, ISBN: 978-1-119-43485-6, $26.00, www.thecircleblueprint.com). “Pleasing your boss may lead to a promotion, but when you hide your true self to become the person your boss wants you to be, you never cultivate your unique gifts and abilities that could bring you real success.” [Read more…]

By Dr. Nancy D. O’Reilly

Charlene Ryan had never been political, but the polarizing candidates in 2016 changed that. For the first time, she worked to elect a candidate and even donated money. This year, she feels ready to increase her influence in business as well as her community, but where to begin?

The first step is to lean into her circle of women friends. The 20 women now in the US Senate –  from both sides of the aisle – have made news by meeting for dinner every quarter to work together. One of their most notable agreements prevented a government shutdown in 2013. One commentator joked, “The women are the only grownups left in Washington.”

In business as in politics, women know how to work together to increase value for everyone, and the more influence we have, the more good we can do. Here are a few useful strategies I’ve learned from the smart, amazing women co-authors of my book, Leading Women: 20 Influential Women Share Their Secrets to Leadership, Business and Life. These strategies will increase your ability to advance your goals in any arena.

[Read more…]

By Briana Borten and Dr. Peter Borten

We’ve often marveled at the profound value of positive thinking. The ability to see one’s life in a positive light translates to a good life, perhaps to a greater extent than “positive” circumstances.

Think about the people in your life you admire most. What qualities do they possess? Optimism? Curiosity? Joyfulness? One common denominator that I wager each of them possesses is a positive outlook.

Positivity transmits a magnetism that attracts others. It’s more than a happy-go-lucky attitude — it’s choosing to put forth your passion, your skills, your beauty, your love and your mojo into all your relationships and undertakings. A positive mindset favorably colors the lens through which you view your life.

Better still, positivity is an attitude that you can mine — like discovering a vein of gold and following it to increase your riches. It may not always feel like it, but you do have tremendous influence over the shape of your life. The more conscious you become of how you approach life — such as your way of thinking, of relating, of tackling responsibilities, and of connecting to something bigger than yourself — the more you are able to make adjustments that bring you more optimism and fulfillment.

Invite positivity into your life using these eight essential tools:  [Read more…]

By Ora Nadrich

Work-related stress is reaching epidemic rates. So many of us have pressure-cooker careers and extremely stressful jobs. Too often, we are filled with negative thoughts about our work. These kinds of thoughts can take a toll on our ability to concentrate and perform. 

When negative thoughts begin to percolate and wreak havoc with our emotions, it’s time to separate from them. The Says Who? method is a straightforward, powerful way of questioning and challenging those thoughts that stops them right in their tracks. And by facing a negative thought with a question, we find out if it’s true — or if we can just let it go. This is an approach anyone can use to overcome negative thoughts in any realm, including work. 

Here’s how to get rid of those negative thoughts about your job in 4 simple steps: 

1. Acknowledge the stress. Recognize its existence, even if it’s upsetting. Don’t deny it or try to push it away. Admit you’re feeling stress about your job, and accept that you’re having those negative thoughts. Doing so allows you to focus on what is happening in the “now,” which is actual and real, instead of focusing on the emotions surrounding the thoughts.  [Read more…]

By Ransom Stephens

A blank canvas. An empty music score. A newly opened Word document or electric circuit simulation. Trying to harness creativity at will haunts artists, scientists, technologists, and even bureaucrats.

How can we open our minds and wander into new, innovative territory? 

Research shows that we’re more equipped to let our creative juices flow as children than as adults. An examination of the way our brains function explains why the creativity quotient declines as we age: Think of the way that water erodes rock to form a channel that eventually carves a deep canyon. In the same way, when a neuron in our brain receives a signal, it’s tuned to process that signal and pass the result into channels that it recognizes.

Our thought process relies on pattern recognition, categorization and prediction, and, like water flowing into streams and tributaries, tends to search for pathways where it has flowed in the past. What starts out as a trickle eventually forms a rut — an efficient rut, to be sure — but one that makes us set in our ways and can limit our creativity.

Once the canyons of our thought processes form, how can we scale the rock walls to look across the horizon for new ideas and better ways?

To rekindle that sense of childish exploration we once had before our sensory processes formed their restricting ruts, start by recognizing these five facets of the brain’s innovative engine. [Read more…]

By Dr. William Schiemann

If you are not feeling totally fulfilled, you are not alone. Nearly 80% of people interviewed for our long-term study of fulfillment did not feel totally fulfilled, despite many being successful in their careers or private lives. Many of those who were fulfilled did not necessarily start that way. Fulfillment requires actions on your part that are not always obvious or baked into our habits. Many require training ourselves to learn new skills and develop fulfilling habits. Here are some tips that will help you become more fulfilled:

1. Life and Lighthouse Goals. While many of us have a general notion or vision of what would fulfill us, we found that the most fulfilled people have translated that vision into clear life goals—things that they would want to have accomplished in their lives by the time they die. Having a large loving family, becoming a successful business leader or becoming a bridge champion. And, most have what we call lighthouse goals—those intermediate goals that are essential on the path to life goals.  These might include getting a law degree and working in a successful law practice on the way to becoming a judge, or getting certified as an HR practitioner on the way to becoming the Chief People Officer.

2. Drivers of Fulfillment. While some people had a good vision and goals, they had not clearly identified the drivers or success factors that enabled them to reach the lighthouse or life goals. In the judge example, for example, drivers might include studying and doing well on LSATs or getting into a good law school. For the aspiring professional to the CHRO role, drivers might include getting an HR degree or staying current in the field by attending professional conferences. [Read more…]

October will be here soon—a month when not only start to see falling leaves, candy corn and pumpkins, but in honor of breast cancer awareness month, the color pink as well. With October being National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, G.M. Collin has partnered with the National Breast Cancer Foundation to donate a percentage of each of its Daily Ceramide Comfort and Native Collagen Gel sold during the month to the cause.

G.M. Collin Daily Ceramide Comfort is a replenishing and nourishing skin care supplement in practical single dose capsules for all skin types. The combination of sophisticated and unique ingredients, such as soybean oil and vitamin E, improves the skin’s epidermal moisture barrier and provides skin with an instant and incredible comfort. This highly practical capsule with exquisite texture and scent will give the skin a silky smooth texture and a remarkable softness, while preventing wrinkles and fine lines. To use, twist the small tip until it breaks away from the capsule; squeeze to release the contents drop by drop and apply to the skin. $98.00 – visit GMCollin.com for local spa retailers.

G.M. Collin Native Collagen Gel is a visibly re-energizing, dermo-dynamic gel, formulated to protect, moisturize, restore the skin’s natural defense mechanisms and fight wrinkles. With its unique combination of active ingredients, such as Soluble Native Collagen, Grapefruit Peel, Hydrolyzed Elastin and Oligopeptide-5, the revolutionary gel is perfect for dehydrated, devitalized and mature skin. $80.00 – visit GMCollin.com for local spa retailers.

All eyes are on Rio for the next two weeks as the world’s greatest athletes compete in the 2016 Summer Games. While it’s great to enjoy the games, there are actually some very important lessons that everyone can learn from watching Olympic athletes.

Steve Siebold, a former professional athlete, psychological performance coach and author of 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of The World Class, says there are 10 important lessons we can all learn about success from Olympic athletes:

1. They never stop learning: Olympic athletes are at the top of their games because they spend so much time practicing, watching replays of their performance and strategizing with their coaches. If you want to be the best at something, you must commit yourself to being a student for life.

2. They overcome obstacles: When most people run into an obstacle, they seek escape.  Olympic athletes have a plan to push forward when this happens and learn all they can from the challenge.  They know facing adversity is part of being successful.

3. They think big: Ask most people what they’re thinking at any given time, and you might be surprised to learn how many think about just getting by.  That’s called selling yourself short.  If you ask every athlete in Rio if they think they are going to win the gold, they would all tell you ‘yes.’ They fully believe in themselves and their abilities, and nothing you could say will talk them out of it. They think big and therefore get big results. [Read more…]

By Deborah Sandella PhD, RN

Did you know there’s a positive side to anger? Most of us try to avoid it as much as possible, because it feels bad to be angry or to have others mad at us.  Actually, there’s an important purpose to anger.

Anger is a spontaneous emotion that acts like a personal security alarm. When it sounds, it alerts us to the possibility danger within or around us.  Like our home security systems, most alarms are false, but you don’t know until you investigate.

The same is true with anger.  Most of the time, there is a misunderstanding or misjudgment that has created a false alarm.  Yet, if it’s a real intruder, you want to be alert so you can protect yourself.  When you feel angry, it means there’s a potential violation and you must explore to know if there’s real danger or it’s a false alarm. On the other hand, if we believe every alarm is real, our natural sense of trust will be compromised.  When this happens, we invite unnecessary anxiety and worry.   [Read more…]