Pittsburgh Better Times

A Lifestyle Publication for the Pittsburgh Community

Dating Advice for the Newly Single

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When you’ve just become a single person again, sometimes it’s a relief and other times you have hurt feelings that are unresolved. It’s a good idea to take a beat before you make any serious decisions like dating if you recognize that you’re an open wound right now. You’ll at least go through a period of adjustment before you’ll be emotionally ready to consider dating again.

Here is some dating advice for you if you’ve recently become single.

Avoid the Rebound

When you’re newly single, it’s easy to go right back into a relationship. Some people will daisy-chain a series of relationships to avoid either being alone or dealing with the emotional turmoil created by the loss of each past partnership that didn’t work out.

It’s always best to give yourself time to get over any emotional upheaval from the ending of your previous relationship. Even if you were the one who chose to end it – which is almost always easier emotionally – you still may have feelings for your ex that need time to settle. If you think you’ll want a long-term relationship next, allowing a few weeks to get over your last partner is a healthy way to approach it. Otherwise, you won’t be emotionally available for someone who might have been perfect for you and head right into another relationship that’s destined to fail. Don’t do that. [Read more…]

Stop Dating and Just Have Fun

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Naughty Empire, Naughty Girl’s Guide to Los Angeles, Naughty Girl’s Guide to Las Vegas, Sienna SinclaireBy Sienna Sinclaire

The pressures of dating can make it feel like a chore instead of something to embrace and enjoy.  Often we get intimidated and we concentrate on what can go wrong instead of what can go right.  Dating means putting yourself out there with all the insecurities and uncertainties that go along with it.  So it’s no wonder some people would rather hide away than risk getting hurt.  But it doesn’t have to be like that. 

The key to successful dating is to just go with the flow.  Lower your expectations of the date, or better still, don’t have any expectations at all.  That way, you’ll be more relaxed and your date is going to see the real you instead of the person you’re pretending to be to impress him.  In short, stop treating dates like dates and just have fun.

Here are four ways to do just that: [Read more…]

Dating after Divorce: Tips for Parents

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t_dauberBy Toby G. Dauber

There are few family events more difficult or disruptive for children than divorce. Children are invariably confused and frightened by the threat to their security, parents try to do everything they can to provide stability and reassure the children that they both will continue to love them and provide for their well-being. But then, some months later, just as children are getting used to the changes in their lives, a new development often threatens their still-precarious sense of balance: Mom or Dad starts dating.

“There are several reasons that a parent’s dating may exacerbate a child’s anxiety,” explains parenting specialist, Toby Dauber of Morris Psychological Group. “After the divorce, children may have come to feel even closer to a parent than they were before.  They may see dating as a betrayal of that bond or they may fear that a new person will replace them in the parent’s affection.  Also, many children, even if they don’t express it, continue to nurture the hope that their parents will get back together and dating may be the blow that destroys that fragile, but sustaining dream.”

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Fun is Not a Four Letter Word

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Ariel & Shya Kane

An excerpt from How to Create a Magical Relationship: The Three Simple Ideas That Will Instantaneously Transform Your Love Life

by Ariel & Shya Kane

Oh, the pressure! Men and women are trying to find “The One.” When looking for a potential mate, the urge to get in there and make it work is a driving force. People are so busy looking for someone who is relationship material and finding Mr. or Ms. Right that they forget to have fun. In fact, dating to have fun is thought of as frivolous or secretly held as downright immoral. If you are going out to enjoy yourself and have fun, rather than finding a marriageable mate, it is generally viewed as a big taboo.

Not true of me! you might say. I think having fun is really fine and a great idea.

OK, fill in the blank: A woman who has four dates with different guys in one week is a _______.

Or, fill in the blank: A fellow who is dating four different women is a _______.

Of course, some of you might fill in the blank with the idea that he or she is ‘lucky,’ but is that really the truth? Have you ever found it difficult to date, even casually, more than one person at a time? Have you ever had only one date with someone and then spent a lot of time thinking about him or her to the exclusion of all others? Have you ever passed up going out because you are waiting, hoping for that fantasy phone call or email that never comes? Or, have you pined for someone who lives in another city or country, knowing full well that you have no intention of moving and neither does he or she?

[Read more…]

Sometimes Bright and Shiny Isn’t the Best: A Berry Picker’s Guide to Dating

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Ariel and Shya Kane

By Ariel Kane

I started picking berries for money at the age of 6.  My aunt Joyce took me with her to the berry fields to “help out” at her summer job and after a full day of picking strawberries, (many of which made their way into my mouth) I was proud to bring home three shiny dimes for my labors.  My mother put them in a place of honor before dinner and I went to bed that night dreaming of all the penny candy I could buy at the little store in town.

All of the local kids I knew picked berries during the summer to make spending money and some to pay for school clothes and supplies in the year ahead.  There were many growers around and so we worked the season:  First strawberries, then raspberries, a short crop of boysenberries (by far the easiest), marionberries or blackcaps, then blackberries.  In fact, picking berries was so common where I grew up that it never occurred to me until after I moved to New York at age 19 that not everyone spent summers in the berry fields.

Each summer, my mom would also make us wonderful deserts featuring local fruit and at the end of the season, one of my favorites was blackberry cobbler.  My sisters and I would take large metal bowls and fill them with the wild berries that grew by the roadside or down at the edge of the field on our property and Mom would turn them into something delightful.

Shya and I went to visit my parents for their 60th wedding anniversary this past August, (Congrats to Mom and Dad!) and so we were there during the height of the blackberry season.  In order to keep fit, given all of my mother’s excellent meals, Shya and I decided to take a walk on the Springwater Corridor, a 40 mile loop that was created for walking or bike riding following an old trolley right-of-way.  This paved walking trail has large cane blackberry bushes that grow in abundance on either side.   During our walk I picked a few for Shya and myself and they tasted heavenly.  I actually went to bed that night dreaming of taking a large metal bowl and filling it once again for my mom.

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Dating After Losing a Spouse or Partner

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By Wendy Bailey

Dating after losing a spouse or partner can be very difficult for the new widow or widower. Grief is the biggest obstacle to dating. The feeling of loss can create a deep void in the person.

During these times of difficulties, loneliness would set in. The idea of dating someone new and establishing another relationship can become a source of tension and fear. Feelings of guilt may also overwhelm the person.

Grieving Process

Death of a loved one is the most devastating feeling of all. Moving on means to go through the grieving process and decide to pick up the pieces all over again. This may prove to be a real challenge to most new widow or widower.

The grieving process varies for each individual. There are various elements that come into play to determine how long the grieving will last. These elements include:

  • the kind of relationship you share with your partner
  • the manner of your partnerís death
  • the culture and family background of the widow/widower
  • individual psychological reaction to grieving

The right time to start a new relationship after the partner passes away will be determined by the above mentioned factors. The closer the couple were, the more time the widow or widower may need to recover and move on.

[Read more…]