Love, lust, cohabitation, marriage, divorce… relationships, like people, can be complicated. Sometimes, those relationships need a little help from a marriage counselor or therapist.
Most of us want to be in a good relationship, but it is often hard to know when we are in one. Oftentimes, we can’t even decide if we are in love or in lust. Many of us question ourselves, our mates, and what we want.
We compare what we experience with what we know of the relationships of our parents, friends, and others we have seen, perhaps in movies or on television. Many of us have never observed or personally experienced a good relationship. This can foster a belief that they may not exist at all. This is reflected in the marriage statistics. In the United States today, the marriage rate is the lowest it has been in many years and about 46% of the adult population is single. Yet, most people want to be in committed relationships.
With such strong desires for committed relationships, why is the American divorce rate nearly 50% of all first marriages, 60% for those who try for a second marriage, and 75% for those who go for three times around? The number of couples cohabiting has increased dramatically in the last 30 years.
Couples use the “try it out” method of relationship to see if they are compatible, and with an 85% failure rate, it has the worst odds of all. Cohabitation actually increases the chance of failure if the couple does marry.
What’s going on?
No one enters into a relationship with a plan for failure. Many do enter into it for wrong reasons, no reasons or with a naïve idea of what it means to be in a relationship. First marriages are usually between young people who have no idea who they are much less what they want from a relationship. Let’s face it. A good relationship is not easy to come by. It takes work on the part of both partners. What if you are trying and your partner is not or vice versa? What if today you try and get nowhere and give up, and then tomorrow your partner tries and you have none of it? This scenario is very common and will lead directly to the divorce courts.